How to host a dinner party

Since May 2021, my partner and I have hosted a dinner a month. It's an excuse to see friends. We've had thoughtful conversations, shared bad jokes, and played music and board games. To host dinner, you need:

1. People
2. Confidence
3. Locale
4. Food

People

Who to invite

Make a big list of people you'd like to know better. This can include friends, a neighbor with a cute dog, a friend of a friend who likes backpacking, etc.

From that list, pick a set of people. For example:

• A couple.
• Folks who play music.
• Mutual friends of Alice.
• Former coworkers.
• A random group of 4.
• Your nearby neighbors.

How to invite

Pick an arbitrary date. Dinner is an excuse to see friends, so you don't need a special date. There are 2 scheduling approaches:

1. Decide on a fixed date/time. Send out a broad invite. i.e. Hi! Would you like to come over for dinner? We're hosting dinner with a few folks on Friday 4/8 at 6 PM.
2. Decide on a rough date/time. Coordinate with another party to decide the day. i.e. Hi! Would you like to come over for dinner next weekend?

Write and send invites. Speak Confident English has some good examples. Communicate any relevant boundaries i.e. dietary preferences, allergies, dry household. We tells guests "If you bring something, anything vegan is good. i.e. fruit, bread, wine."

You can also ask ChatGPT to write an invitation for you. It tries.

If you're inviting a neighbor and don't have their number, you can leave a note under the door. Include your contact information so they can RSVP. This is also useful in case of emergencies.

Activities

If you don't know people well, it's helpful to have some easy-to-learn games. Here are some suggestions:

• The Mind - A collaborative card game. The card are numbered 1-100. Each player gets cards. You try to put the cards down in numerical order without talking.
• Sushi Go - A card-passing game. You pass around face-down cards. Each turn, you pick a card and pass the rest of the set. You want to collect a set of cards with the most points.
• Coup - A hidden traitor game. You start with two lives and two hidden roles. Each role allows you to do certain actions, but you can also lie about your roles. Your goal is to not die.
• Bananagrams - A word game. You can build mini scrabble boards. You can also play a word-stealing variant, snatch. In snatch, you flip tiles one by one and try to make words from the available letters.

Confidence

My least favorite part about hosting is sending invites and waiting for responses. After I send an invite, I feel self-conscious. I suspect it's part of being human. Here's what helps me:

• Logic: There's nothing to lose. If you send an invite and nothing happens, then you're no worse off from when you started. Besides the temporary uncertainty, there's no actual harm to you.
• A low bar for success: For any event I host, I'm pleased if there's at least one other person there. In general, we host a lot of small dinners. Of the 20 dinner parties we've hosted, 10 have had 2 guests. See the graph below.
• Attempted nonchalance: I can't control how people respond, so I try to disconnect my mood from their behavior. This is hard. It helps to have low tolerance for ghosting/flakiness. If somebody is unresponsive or noncommittal, I stop reaching out. There are lots of people in the world, and it's okay if some of them don't like you.

Locale

Scope out your living space. Where do you want guests to be? We close off the bedroom, which leaves about 400 sq ft of space in the living room and kitchen. Our max capacity is 9 guests before we think it's too loud and squished. Your tolerance may vary

If you have a small space, open up as much room as possible. It helps to remove items from the floor and push big items towards the walls. That way, there's more open area for folks to move and mingle.

Food

The food is the least important part. I've noticed that folks who don't cook are often self-conscious at dinner parties, but there's no reason to be. I'm chuffed if people bring no-cook items like wine, fruit, chocolate, chips/guacamole. Food can be simple. It's most important that it's palatable and plentiful.

I'd recommend preparing something well within your cooking skill-level. I find it stressful to try a new, elaborate recipe under time pressure when I'm expecting guests. If you do try something and it goes awry, then that's okay too. If worst comes to worst, you'll have a funny story to tell and you can all get takeout or eat lots of snacks.

Even if you don't cook, you can put together a lovely assortment and call it a picnic i.e.

• PB&J sandwiches cut into cute triangles
• A salad kit
• Fruit (i.e. grapes, clementines, berries, dates)
• Baby carrots and hummus
• Roasted nuts (i.e. almonds or cashews)
• Pastries, cookies, cake, or pie from a bakery
• Chocolate

It's been a lot of fun hosting a monthly dinner. We've gotten to know people better and build deeper friendships. Hosting dinner doesn't need to be fussy or complicated. I hope this post helped clarify some of the process.